Aquarius

I have never placed importance on star signs, although having a Leo for a father, sister and spouse was food for thought. But being a born in January water baby must have some significance to the draw of the sea. Although born in Liverpool, I grew up in the incredibly scenic coastal city of Port Elizabeth. From various points in our topographically generous hometown we are blessed with magnificent ocean views. The commute to university was a visual selection of white sand beaches to rocky, turbulent coastline. This tempting view was also the reason for many no-show days at uni too! But it was definitely something that I was in constant awe of, but inevitably took for granted. Most destination loving adventurers have a cruise on their wish list. Whether it is a three day raucous booze cruise or a leg of a world tour, the planning and budgeting is an exciting and time sensitive process, and is always greatly anticipated. For most first time cruisers, it is a dream that was twenty years in the making. A once in a lifetime opportunity. They average between four and ten ports on a one to two week cruise, with a few sea days in there for rest and relaxing entertainment. It is over in the blink of an eye, with photos, stories and memories for them to feast on for years to come. How horrified would they be to hear that there were days that I had a 'movie/lazy day' on my bed in my cabin, simply because I had been there and done that two weeks before!!! How I would look out of the floor to ceiling windows in the dining area at breakfast and decide (very occasionally) that it is too hot/rainy/cold/windy to see that country that day. Being almost double some of my fellow crew members' ages gave me the life experience and perspective to force myself to take advantage of this incredible opportunity. But I did indulge in wasted days every so often - which I will one day regret. Of the almost one hundred ports and cities that I visited in the last year, I made sure to only skip the ones that I had actually seen already. I know that it seems ridiculous to most that I would have purposely missed out on these free gifts, but it is the same as the drive to university, the same as knowing that the flowers in your garden are still there like they were yesterday. It is only something that you appreciate when it has been gone for a while.
Nature is potent in its attraction.... always reliably there, but only truly loved and missed when it is gone. The magnetic call of the water is unbelievably powerful, and as much as it is wonderful to return home, I am an Aquarian.

Mother's Day

I once explained to my daughter that there is a 'Mommy Button' - it was switched on when my baby was born, and never switched off. Not a single minute goes by without your child being foremost in your thoughts. But it's impossible to understand until you are a mother. Your child is your reason for everything; every decision and choice for the rest of your life is somehow linked to the welfare of your child.

Deciding to work on a ship had incredible advantages, but none of them cushioned the heartache of being away from my child. The justifications of circumstance through to age never seemed to lesson the agony. I tried to equate it to when I was a daughter of twenty years old. My incredible Mum only ever made me feel like I could accomplish absolutely anything I set my mind to. More often than not, I did! She gave me the self confidence to follow any and every dream, resulting in my living between PE and Durban when I was twenty. My life was exciting and demanding, leaving little time to 'miss my mommy'. I can only imagine what she must have felt in comparison to the way I have felt this year, We did not even have the advantage of WhatsApp and Facebook in 1993 (both of which have been my life lines this past year).

Mother's Day last year fell on a sea day. My colleagues were wonderful, but I hid trickled tears quite well. I was thrilled that I would be home to celebrate this year, and spent the morning with Rachel having breakfast and clothes shopping (as girls do!). But I was just as thrilled to discover that this past twelve months has matured my daughter into an admirably independent young woman. We are not unhealthily clingy, and we don't feel the need to be in each others company 24/7. I am relieved that she wants and needs her time apart just as much as I do. She is no longer a defenceless toddler, but has evolved into a wonderfully mature young lady. I have had the honour of raising her into the woman she is today, and I get to indulge in the snugly memories of Mother's Day Past. 

Rachel is my daughter, my friend, my exception to the rule. She amazes me every day, and I have the greatest love and admiration for this beautiful soul. 

Thank you for making me a mother, my darling Rachel xx

FFF

Forgive me followers, for I have faltered. This is my first post in months due to internet availability. I finally forged ahead in my leap of faith, and flew home.

The sixth letter of the alphabet has always had a raw deal by being linked to a choice four letter word. But there are far worse F-words that I have encountered... Failure, Fake, Fatal, Frustration to name but a few. Fortunately there are fantastic ones to counteract the negativity of these... Faith, Forever, Free, Future, and the most important: Family & Friends

Being halfway across the world is a geographical challenge to a relationship with family or friends, but distance never breaks the strongest of bonds. You can be sitting next to someone on a bed in your own house and be completely disconnected from them. That is the loneliest of relationships. Circumstance dictates the need for continental distance obstacles, but the ties that bind can be rewardingly strong despite the twelve thousand kilometre inconvenience. I am blessed to have the most incredible close family, and blessed again to have family that I chose (aka friends). Without my daughter, dad, silblings and besties, my year at sea would have resulted in a mental 'man overboard'! I did not choose for my life to take this direction, but I handled the conditions thrown at me like a seasoned Captain. Although the circumnavigation of South America was a phenomenal journey, the personal one was without navigation and will take time to process the results. I have photographic evidence of the life altering destinations that I visited, but I hope that when I look back at these blog posts, I will see a record of progress. Already I can feel the return of self confidence, and the glimmer of goals to be achieved. As well as journaling my fascinating trip in my upcoming posts, I hope to have more of the self actualization component come through. April to April and four continents....... how could it not have changed my life!