Mother's Day

I once explained to my daughter that there is a 'Mommy Button' - it was switched on when my baby was born, and never switched off. Not a single minute goes by without your child being foremost in your thoughts. But it's impossible to understand until you are a mother. Your child is your reason for everything; every decision and choice for the rest of your life is somehow linked to the welfare of your child.

Deciding to work on a ship had incredible advantages, but none of them cushioned the heartache of being away from my child. The justifications of circumstance through to age never seemed to lesson the agony. I tried to equate it to when I was a daughter of twenty years old. My incredible Mum only ever made me feel like I could accomplish absolutely anything I set my mind to. More often than not, I did! She gave me the self confidence to follow any and every dream, resulting in my living between PE and Durban when I was twenty. My life was exciting and demanding, leaving little time to 'miss my mommy'. I can only imagine what she must have felt in comparison to the way I have felt this year, We did not even have the advantage of WhatsApp and Facebook in 1993 (both of which have been my life lines this past year).

Mother's Day last year fell on a sea day. My colleagues were wonderful, but I hid trickled tears quite well. I was thrilled that I would be home to celebrate this year, and spent the morning with Rachel having breakfast and clothes shopping (as girls do!). But I was just as thrilled to discover that this past twelve months has matured my daughter into an admirably independent young woman. We are not unhealthily clingy, and we don't feel the need to be in each others company 24/7. I am relieved that she wants and needs her time apart just as much as I do. She is no longer a defenceless toddler, but has evolved into a wonderfully mature young lady. I have had the honour of raising her into the woman she is today, and I get to indulge in the snugly memories of Mother's Day Past. 

Rachel is my daughter, my friend, my exception to the rule. She amazes me every day, and I have the greatest love and admiration for this beautiful soul. 

Thank you for making me a mother, my darling Rachel xx